GODZILLA: Final Wars

If I'm going to start this blog right, I'm definitely giving you more than one movie to live on for the holiday weekend.

THIS MOVIE IS A PARTY IN YOUR LIVING ROOM WAITING TO HAPPEN! You may think this selection is strange, but I highly doubt that you will find more fun on your Netflix than this genuinely awesome thrill ride of action, comedy, camp and homage. Young or old, you will smile more than a little at this two-hour, guilty pleasure stuffed with no-holds-barred brawls for the ages.

There's always been a joke title that was given to Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) by one of my nephews: "Godzilla Versus Everything!!!" And he honestly couldn't be more right. In the span of two hours, your favorite rubber lizard fights every single monster in his entire rogues gallery. ALL OF THEM! Ghidora, Mothra, Mechagodzilla, Predator X, Godzilla(1997). Oh yeah. That's Right! Godzilla even battles the American/Matthew Broderick-CG-Godzilla from '97 with SUM 41 playing in the background as parody! This is literally a culmination of all things to love about the history of the character.

Many people don't know that in 2004, Toei decided to finally give the character one last send-off as a thank you for so many fun years that have raised generations of fans on a very goofy tradition. To do this, they hired director Ryuhei Kitamura, who's known for his films featuring fast, furious chaos(if you've never seen Versus, the yakuza-versus-demon-zombies flick from a few years back, you're missing out on one of the best guilty pleasures to ever come out of Asian Cinema). The decision to hire him as a director is seen immediately when the film kicks in. No longer are the slow movements and excruciating build-ups towards fighting moves a part of the usual Man-In-Suit combat we've come to expect. The battles are fast, hard, angry and straight to the point.

The inclusion Kitamura also solves Godzilla's 2nd biggest flaws within all of his movies: the excruciatingly boring human story. Kitamura's decision to create an anime/comic book style action story to accompany this giant battle royal across the globe is genius that we all greet with open arms. Instead of scientists frantically looking for a magical set of twins/fairies/McGuffin-like tool that can summon a second monster to help Godzilla (or something equally as trivial), they've basically given us a story that can be summed up as "The X-Men versus the aliens from V."

Honestly, you can't make this stuff up. You literally have a super-human, genetically-enhanced mutant fighting force called the Earth Defense Force(and YES, they are based after the cult-classic video game of the same name!) that fight giant aliens ON-FOOT! When the world is invaded by the deceptively friendly(and mysteriously attractive) alien visitors, it's up to several members of the EDF task force to solve the conspiracy and take them down. And with this, you get some of the best, over-the-top kung-fu fight scenes that feel like they were ripped out of your favorite anime(super-humans having a martial arts spectacle while driving motorcycles flying down the highway as the world is at war in the background?!? YES, PLEASE!)

And this deserves it's own paragraph: Sargent Slaughter is one of the main characters of the film! Yes, the one you're thinking of. The same dude from the WWF who used to tell you to brush your teeth at the end of every episode of G.I. Joe. You see, in Japan, what Chuck Norris is to us, Sgt. Slaughter is to them. And I couldn't be more happy, because he is having a FUCKING BLAST in this movie. His line delivery, his gun-kata fight scenes, his moments of nigh-invincibility, etc. They are fried golden camp that you will eat up and enjoy with a childish grin on your face.

And finally, I have to say that I love that for the final homage of the movie, they dare to remind us what Gojira was. The original film that was a truly fantastic horror movie. There's a moment that reminds you that Godzilla was once a character that represented overwhelming, unstoppable terror. And for this incredibly goofy, over-stuffed movie to take a moment to thank the original creators for that is something worth noting.

So, if you have a snowed-in/rainy day, get some popcorn, invite your friends over, tell them to bring a case of beer and get ready to feel like a kid holding your action figures in front of the TV on a Saturday afternoon. If The Expendables was a giant monster movie, it would be this. Only this movie is made with so much affection and love, it's damn near contagious. Have fun and be sure to leave your inhibitions at the door.

FUN FACT:
A) That poster used as the display picture is one of the most expensive there is. As it should be. The simple picture of what looks like a nuclear explosion at the heart of a city, pushing everything away from it and burning anything within reach to cinders.... with only one proud Godzilla standing in the center? Genius.

B) I'm pretty sure I used up all my remaining exclamation points for 2010 on this review.